


Breaking News

by evarosen



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 09:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3442946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evarosen/pseuds/evarosen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spirit wants to break some news to Maka during dinner. Sadly, Stein isn't one for small talk. (crack!fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking News

When Stein arrived, Spirit was standing just past the door, a small box on his hand.

"Ok, give them up."

Stein blinked at him.

"Sempai?"

Spirit shook the box in front of his face.

"Oh, you're no fun." Stein sighed, throwing his scalpel inside.

Maka's voice carried from the dinning room. "Dad, why are you out there?"

"Just a minute!" Spirit called back. He threw a dubious look at the perfectly innocent-looking, thus highly suspicious, Stein. Then he pocked him in the chest and shook the box again. "All of them."

* * *

"What's that noise?" Black Star asked. It sounded like a lot of metal hitting together.

"I don't know," Kid shrugged, but he lifted his head anyway. A second later, he relaxed. "Twelve. It's level number."

* * *

 

The dinner was a tense event, what with Spirit cowering slightly on his seat every time Stein cut his meat, Kid measuring the portion on his plate and Black Star and Soul sporting matching black eyes about his 'discussion' on who got to sit with Maka. The black eyes, by the way, were Maka's courtesy.

Then the discussion veered toward Weapons' abilities, and ended in utter disaster.

Spirit started bragging about being a Death Scythe, right until Stein calmly pointed out he should explain the kids about the process, since after all he knew more about it than anyone else, specially about Spirit.

"That's because you _cut me open to see my insides_!" Spirit screamed.

"Of course," Stein replied. "How else? That's why I have permission from Shibusen to dissect everyone that attends there, professors and students alike!" he finished cheerfully. The level of fright that went around the table was so palpable that even he noticed, so he added, "Upon death, clearly. It's specified that it must be confirmed I didn't have any part of it."

That did nothing to improve morals.

"What?!" Maka asked faintly.

"It says so in the admission form." Stein supplied helpfully.

* * *

 

"You didn't read it before signing it? Do you care about my safety at all?!" Maka was screaming, weaving the admission form in front of Spirit's face.

Spirit seemed in the verge of tears. "But..he wouldn't..." he babbled.

"I can't believe you! He so would!" She turned to look at Stein, who was patiently chain-smoking, leaning against the wall. "No offense, professor."

Stein nodded. "None taken." He walked toward Spirit, who took a second too long to back away and ended up falling against the arm Stein had extended behind his back. "You have my solemn word I won't dissect you, Maka-chan. Unless, of course, I go mad, in which case all bets are off. Delicious dinner."

He walked toward the door, leading Spirit.

"That went better than the time I met your parents." He commented.

"They disowned me!" Spirit protested.

"Yes, but it was because you groped the waitress. This time it wasn't altogether your fault."

Spirit inclined his head. "You're right." He said, resigned. "Hey, wait. We didn't tell her."

Stein fished another scalpel from his pant-pocket."There was no way to work that into small talk in front of that many people." He answered. "So, time to call it a night?"

Spirit's eyes widened, alarmed. "You're not going to give /that/ one up before coming in, are you?"

Stein smirked. "No."

Spirit sighed heavily. "I liked this shirt. And I'm having a metal detector installed on my door within the week", he added, glaring.

"I'll leave the tie unharmed."

"Promises, promises."


End file.
